My main reason for coming on this trip was because I believed my Christian life needed more of God. I was looking forward to having the structure and forced discipline from the program. I thought to get more of God, I needed to spend more time with Him in prayer and Bible reading—and as a result, our relationship would deepen. I harped on myself for months at a time for not doing as much as I should to draw closer to God.

What God is teaching me now, is that I have it all backwards. It is not about doing anything to get to God, it is all about the love He has already given to me. First, I must receive that love, and then I can respond to it in obedience and self-discipline (by faith, of course). The key lies not in myself and what I can do, but in who God is and what He desires to do through me.

God speaks through others. As God is teaching me all about His love and my love back to Him, He was teaching another FYM, Jenya, about a similar issue. Sunday morning in an impromptu message, she spoke of Ephesians 3:16-19—how broad God’s love is for us and yet while on Earth, we are still only experiencing a small part of that love. In 1 Corinthians 12:31, Jenya spoke of the excellent way God has for us. This excellent way (aka: “perfect will”) is God’s desire for all His children.

I believe this is what He is preparing my heart for during this time. He is getting me ready for this new journey—this new chapter where I finally put off everything else and follow His excellent way. All other things in life—pursuing my desires, finding my purpose, even the Great Commission—all of those are secondary to God’s first commandment, which deals with His love and our response to it.

I believe you can know when you truly experience His love—you realize it is not about you anymore. It is about God and His love. It is about being intimately connected to Him. Grabbing on and not letting go. That is when you finally reach the point where the only logical choice you have each day is to obey Him.

“Our behavior will not be changed long with self-discipline… by accepting God’s love for us, we fall in love with Him, and only then do we have the fuel we need to obey.” – Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz


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