This photo makes me smile. 

I look at her bright eyes. Her toothless grin. The wonder and curiosity she has when she looks at me. A moment like this can bring such joy to my heart!

Yet seeing this child also brings sadness. The ragged shirt, too big for her petite body. Her barefeet running on the rough ground. I think of her struggles, disappointments, dreams, fears...

I don't know the story of this particular little girl. She lives at an orphanage at least full- or part-time. She's one of thousands of children here in Haiti not living with her biological family. Maybe her mother has died and her father was never in the picture. Maybe both her parents have passed away. Or maybe her family feels unable to care for her and hopes someone else can provide her with "more".

Ever since my first mission trip, to Peru when I was 14, I've had a special place in my heart for orphans. I remember spending time at two different orphanages, letting the little ones sit on my lap, and trying to love on them as much as I could in the short time we were there. In college, I went on a mission trip to San Francisco. We spent some time with a ministry that helps homeless families, particularly women with children. They had a daycare for the kids while the mothers were out working or trying to find jobs. I fell in love with an energetic boy named Taz. That was over 10 years ago, we were only there for a few days, yet I will never forget him. From that trip, my love for orphans expanded to a love for orphans and vulnerable children.

There's yet to be a set definition for the term orphans and vulnerable children (OVCs). Some organizations define it within the setting of being affected by HIV/AIDS. I'll chose to use a broader definition, where an orphan is any child who has lost one or both parents and a vulnerable child is one who either lives with family members or not and based on context is in a state of vulnerability due to illness of caregiver(s), poverty, inadequate clothing or shelter, limited access to education or medical services, and so forth.

Since my call to full-time missions in 2005, I've spent a significant amount of time in ministry serving OVCs. I lived in Matamoros, Mexico for over three months and spent two days a week at "Esther's", a children's home for OVCs, though most were in the vulnerable children category. Many of their parents were incarcerated or in rehab, thus the children were forced to live at a home that struggled but did their best to provide for their needs. During my 18 months in Namibia, I served with Family of Hope Services, a locally run organization that helps 450 OVCs in the township of Katutura. And throughout my 8 months in Haiti, I've been involved with 9 different orphanages and visited several others. I will always gravitate towards this type of children's ministry.

And this is where my new journey with OVCs begins... 

Since last year, God has been speaking to my heart about ministry, specifically ministering in the developing world. There are so many needs here, most of the ones I focus in on are the needs of the children. And not just the children alone, but the families as a whole. Caring for completely abandoned orphans is one thing... the children who have no one else to turn to... but what about orphans who still have extended family that loves them and wants to care for them? And the "vulnerable children"? Those who still have one or both parents living but are in desperate situations that may only get worse without some help. What about children living in orphanages whose parents live just around the corner? Not an uncommon thing. 

I truly am on a journey. Every day I'm learning something new. And I love that. I want my eyes, ears, and heart to always remain open. To be willing to see, hear, and feel... and change and adapt as I learn and grow. So this is me learning, changing, adapting, growing...

And here's my first question... why orphanages? I understand a place is needed for children who have nowhere else to go. Yes, let's open doors and let them in. But have we become a little too eager? A little less selective in this whole process? Have we quickly assumed that orphanages are the "end all, be all" solution to the problem in say, Haiti? (I suppose since my focus is in Haiti at the moment, I'll limit my thoughts to this country, but the issue is a global one.) Since the earthquake, and perhaps even before, it's as if every church in America has decided to rush to Haiti and build an orphanage. And I've really struggled with that lately. Now hear me out, I'm not saying I have all the answers, and I'm not going to start judging every orphanage that has some North American church, individual, or group lending a hand. I am thankful for what many are trying to do to make a positive difference in Haiti. But again, I'm on this new journey, and this journey is opening my mind to a new way of thinking and to many new questions. Like my "Why orphanages?" question... "Are orphanages the best answer for helping OVCs in Haiti?"... "Should we focus more on how we can keep families together rather than providing such an easy way to separate them?" Because as I see it, all these orphanages keep popping up, and why wouldn't a woman with four hungry kids think maybe they'd have a better chance down the street where she keeps seeing the white people driving by in their expensive vehicles with truck load after truck load of food and supplies? Are you starting to see where I'm going with this?

Let me give you a real-life example. Last year I became friends with a Haitian young lady. She was 19 and already had three small boys. One day we were sitting around chatting and she asked me if she could put her boys in my friend's orphanage. I asked her why and she said because she wanted them to have the opportunity to go to school. I processed that for a moment and then I asked her, "If--without promising you anything--but if I were able to find sponsors for your children to go to school, would you want to keep them with you in your home?" Essentially I was asking her if she still had the desire to raise her boys herself, despite the challenges and her young age. "Yes, of course!" she replied. I already knew and had seen how much she loved her sons. And this was just confirmation of that fact. She loves her children. She simply wants them to have the opportunity to be educated. The oldest is 5 and the next to oldest is 4. They are school age but have never been. Each day they see their friends and some of their cousins in their school uniforms setting out for their school day while they stay at home and make up new games to play in the dirt. That week, I wrote on my blog about these two boys needing sponsors for the upcoming school year. The cost: $130 per child for the year. Within hours, maybe minutes, I had donors ready to pay for their schooling. Their mother was thrilled and they started their first year of school last September. And as easy as that, a family was able to stay together... what they truly desired most anyway. Now I'm not saying that they won't still struggle, and I expect she'll face the same financial difficulty when the next school year rolls around. But I hope you can see a bit of the bigger picture here. I do not feel like an orphanage is the solution for this family when all they really want is an opportunity for an education. (And by the way, I plan to continue to find sponsors for this family to continue to allow these boys to go to school, and the youngest too when he's old enough.)

One of the issues is that we need to take the time to really dive into the challenges and obstacles of a culture without just rushing in and assuming we have the solution. Like building an orphanage on every street corner. That can't be the answer. We're building orphanages for children with families who love them and often want to care for them... I can't quite wrap my mind around that. Even Haiti is catching on to the problem. The New York Times recently published an article about a campaign to close down "orphanages". You can read it by clicking here.

The purpose of this blog entry is not to try and convince you of anything in particular. I simply wanted to write a formal introduction to my journey. Because I truly believe that this year will be a huge year for me as I seek God's will for my life and ministry in Haiti. Continuing to help OVCs will always be a big part of that, but I'm overwhelmed with trying to understand how best to help. Sure, I can do another fundraiser to raise money for an orphanage to have enough food and medicines for the children. And I know some orphanages that desperately need that. But what is the appropriate response and action for someone wanting to help--and wanting to help without doing more harm than good? These questions take me back to a workshop I participated in during my time in Namibia. One of the resources for the workshop was the book "When Helping Hurts". Many of us have a heart and desire to help those who truly need it, but are we helping in a way that actually provides the empowerment that can bring about lasting change or are we creating a cycle of dependency and running our own selves ragged with little results? I recently bought the book "Orphanology" and brought it with me to Haiti. It covers topics like orphan care and adoption and it's written by guys I know from my time in New Orleans. I look forward to starting it and gleaning some new insights about all of these issues. If anyone has any other book or resource recommendations, feel free to send them my way.

I would appreciate your prayers as I begin this journey. And I ask any of you who are in the position and have the desire to help the poor or disadvantaged to take some time yourself to step back and ask these difficult questions. I dare say that the easiest ministry is the one we think is "best" and we can walk away from telling ourselves what a great job we did. The problem is, I've never read a verse of Scripture saying that the life and ministry of a Christian is easy, nor that we have all of the answers or even half of them. I'm completely reliant on God in all that I do. There are many days I walk away thinking about how much I just screwed up... which is when I realize that I relied on my own strength and abilities and left God out of the equation. 

I can't look at these kids without wanting to do more for them. To help them however I can. To let their bellies get full every day. To know they can lie down on a comfortable bed each night. To tell them how much they are loved and that there is great hope to be found in this thing called life. For now I'll just keep doing what I can and praying for the wisdom to know God's will as I try to care for His children.

Me and Dinio. Words can't describe how much I love this kid!