Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my job with Family Health Ministries... though my journey in Haiti actually started in 2011. And I've now lived here for over 2.5 years. Longer than I've lived in any one place since starting my missionary journey almost 10 years ago.

Coming back from my Christmas break was strange. This is the first time since working in Haiti full-time that I've returned for such a short duration. From touching down in Port au Prince on January 2nd, I'd be flying out again in exactly two months and one day. March 3rd. That's my "end" date. Or "break" date. Or... well, I don't exactly know what to call it! People have read my latest update or heard it through the grapevine that I'm leaving and I've been bombarded with questions. "Why are you leaving?" "Are you leaving for good?" "What are you doing next?" And honestly, I can't completely answer any of those questions... but I will try...

Why am I leaving?

My main answer to this question is typically... I need a break. I can feel it. I have begun to recognize the symptoms of burnout and I'm willing to acknowledge that a break would do me some good. As I mentioned in my November update, I have learned a lot these past couple years as I've served in Haiti. I've been on some incredible adventures and experienced so much of the Haitian culture and have mostly loved every part of it. But there have been many challenges too, and I suppose those are the parts of it that seem to get heavier with time and you have to eventually figure out a way to exist under that weight and still be effective. One of the things that I have learned is that I would be more effective in Haiti (or a similar environment) serving with a community of believers who have a similar vision for reaching the lost and discipling other believers. I've kinda been a lone ranger for the past two years, serving with great organizations in Haiti, but really being the only one within those organizations with a missionary mindset. So I'm leaving because I need a break and I want to take some time (physically outside of Haiti) to recharge my batteries, reflect on my time here, and renew my vision of what it means for me to be effective for the Kingdom as I go forward. 

Am I leaving for good? 

While I don't know the future, I'm not planning to leave Haiti for good. In fact, I'll probably be back on a trip this summer if not before. But I don't know if I will serve long-term in Haiti again in the near future. As you know I have a strong connection with the children's home I've been helping with. I plan to continue to help them as I'm able, even from a distance. There is still a lot I can do to raise awareness and funds when I'm stateside, and I plan to check in regularly to keep up with how the kids are doing and what the current needs are. There are other opportunities to serve here with Christian organizations that I trust and who have a great community of missionaries serving together. But we'll just see what God wants to do. First step... get on the plane March 3rd and let God lead me to those still waters for some refreshment. I can feel my mind becoming clearer just thinking about that. :)

What's next? 

I have no idea. But I'm so excited for whatever it is! A few things are certain... I'll spend as much time as I can catching up with family and friends... I'll attend a conference or two on subjects that I'm passionate about... and I'll explore possible options that include a range of opportunities like serving short-term in the States, furthering my education, and looking into future possibilities to serve abroad with a missions organization. The thought of leaving Haiti and never serving here again for a long duration of time is hard to process. For one, I have invested so much here, especially in terms of learning the language and culture. Imagining starting all over in another country and having to learn a language much more difficult is intimidating. But I know that as I trust in the Lord, He will lead me right where I'm supposed to go. And He will help put all those pieces together, just as He has done for me so many times before. I'm reminded again of one of my favorite Scriptures, telling me to trust in the Lord with all my heart and not try to figure it all out on my own. 

I definitely appreciate your prayers as I try to finish strong these next few weeks. We have found someone to take my place here at the guesthouse, and I'll begin to train her mid-February. In the meantime, I'll be doing my job to care for the guests, prepare the staff for the transition, and of course spend as much time as I can with the kids at the children's home and the other families here who are so dear to my heart. I want to thank all of you who have been so faithful to support me in prayer and in many other ways as I've been adventuring with the Lord on the mission field. You have seen the work that God has done in my life and have encouraged me from that first assignment in Mexico until now. God has blessed me with so many new friends along the way, and I'm thankful for each of you and how God has used to you brighten my days and keep my spirit lifted! I'm looking ahead with anticipation and look forward to sharing with you my next steps... as soon as I know them! ;)