Where He leads...: A Great Calling

A Great Calling

0 Comments

Three weeks ago, God spoke to me. Was it an audible voice? No. But it was such a clear exchange between He and I that it just as well could have been. Here's the back story...

I've been pondering some things for a while now concerning ministry and my calling--more specifically--what God would have me to do for His Kingdom. As most of you know, I surrendered to full-time ministry in February 2005 with my main focus on missions. I say "surrendered" because it was during that time that I first surrendered to God as Lord of my life. I accepted Christ when I was a little girl, but I never fully realized what it truly meant to be a disciple of Jesus until I was 23 years old. At that moment, I knew that being a disciple meant that God was the One who should lead me in every aspect of my life. And from that point forward, I handed over the reins to Him. It's been a beautiful journey ever since that day and He's led me to serve Him in Mexico, New Orleans, Namibia, and now Haiti--including a few other places in between.

But like I said... I've been doing a lot of thinking and seeking these past few months. What is it God wants me to do for His Kingdom? What ministry is pressing? What is needed most? Whenever I hear of desperate regions around the world--especially concerning a spiritual desperation--and I think of the fact that over 1 billion people have never heard the Gospel--I think, I should be going to those places instead of spending all this time in an "overly saturated" missions destination like Haiti. Perhaps a place like Central Africa, where children are being kidnapped and forced into a brutal army. Or maybe to a country where it's illegal to be a Christian and to even speak the name of Christ. Countries where millions are dying daily without Him. As I turn my thoughts back to Haiti, many of these kids I've fallen in love with here probably already know Christ or are at least living in a Christian environment where they can be fed spiritually. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for missionaries in every part of the globe and I know they are needed, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to serve here in Haiti. I'm saying all of this now as part of the introduction that brought me the first sentence of this blog entry. Even as I've fallen so deeply in love with this country and the people I've had the privilege of serving, my bottom line question for myself and of course ultimately for God was this... Do I need to be serving elsewhere?

That night three weeks ago during our debrief time, we were discussing many things. While Roland was talking my mind began to wander again to this issue of how I love Haiti and these kids but am I really supposed to be here? Shouldn't I be ministering to kids with less hope for hearing the gospel? But then, why do I have such a heart for these kids? And I began to list in my mind a few young boys in particular who have gripped my heart. As I was thinking on all these things, wrestling with whether bringing new people to Christ is a more pressing matter than serving in an already spiritually positive environment--God spoke two words: MAKE DISCIPLES. Ding ding ding! I knew instantly that is what I'm supposed to do. That is our ultimate mission through Baptists 4 Haiti and our ultimate mission as Christians. Matthew 28:19 says it best in Christ's final words before His ascension to Heaven, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations..."

Make disciples. I thought about the disciples of Jesus. His disciples knew Him. They believed in Him. Yes, they had questions and much room to grow, but they were His children, His friends. They had a relationship with Him. They were teachable and their ministries collectively and individually were revolutionary! Make disciples.

These kids God has given me a heart for are important and there is a great and pressing ministry opportunity for me here in Haiti. Perhaps take these children that God has already revealed to me their sweet and caring nature, and grow them into men of faith, radical disciples of and for Christ. So many thoughts continued to flood my mind and I still don't know for sure where all of this is going to lead. But I want to be open and ready to say "YES" if this is God's will. It may be a little scary when I really think about what this could mean. As all of this was coming to my mind Pastor Roland was talking about giving up everything for Christ and I realized this could be my biggest leap yet. Many people already view me as one who lives out her faith radically. Though I do not want to be put on a pedestal, I do hope my life can encourage others to draw closer to Christ. While others may see me as making great sacrifices, to me, these past 7 years of ministry haven't been very difficult. Yes, I've make sacrifices by living this missionary lifestyle, but I don't want to exaggerate them. I'm often gone from my family only for a few months before I see them again. The longest time away was 15 months. My ministry positions have mostly been either 3-4 month assignments or around 18 month assignments. While I know I'm in full-time ministry for the rest of my life, I have had a lot of variety (which I love), I've gotten to live in many different places and experience many different things. This life of missions is my niche and I love it! When I consider people I know who've lived as missionaries in Africa for 20+ years, I was never sure of my own interest in that. To be honest, something that "extreme" would require giving up A LOT. Too much? But I've been convicted recently about how I preach surrender, so I better always be willing to do just that, regardless of what it looks like. That night in February 2005 was not the first and only time God would ask me to say "YES" to Him. And I can't expect every package He has for me to look the same on the inside. At some point there may come a day when He calls me to something that is more radical than anything I could have ever imagined. Will I be willing?

There are many details that came to me three weeks ago that I will not share right now. But I am excited to continue this exploration with God and I'm trying to be patient to wait for Him to reveal to me the big picture and what steps I'm supposed to take. The night after that debrief time, I shared with Roland what God had spoken to me. Maybe this is something I can incorporate with my ministry with Baptists 4 Haiti. Maybe it's something separate for the future. Time (and God) will tell. In the meantime, I will continue seeking His will on this and every part of my life. It's an exciting yet semi-scary time. Not scary because I don't trust God... I do. Completely. But anytime you are faced with the realization that your life may change drastically from the life you'd typically imagine, it's an interesting place to be to say the least!

I want to again thank each of you for following along with my journey here in Haiti. I would appreciate your continued prayers as I continue to walk out God's plans for my life. Pray that I will listen and be obedient to say "YES" no matter how and where He may lead!